The leech came back in my dream

I just woke up to a nightmare. I dreamed about my ex boyfriend who leeched me and used me to the max and treated me like a stepping stone. I straight away pen this down when the visuals are still vivid in my mind.

The scene began in a hotel and I was standing facing the swimming pool. Then I dipped my feet into the water. Subsequently, I saw my high school friend, Satrio, swam and we both said hi.

I walked in into the hotel lounge, then I was suddenly invited into a room just near by the lounge. This room belongs to a guy I just knew. Then we were chit chatting inside the room. Then we both went out the room to meet my other friend, Christine, at the private lounge. She was wearing a bridal gown then we both talking about the slipper or shoes she was wearing. I introduced her to this new guy. 

I was attracted to this guy because he is tall. His look was very similar to my ex boyfriend. Then we both explored the hotel. I remember vividly the hotel was like Disney hotel or a hotel in the theme park look a like. There were 2 wings forming an L shape.

It was Christmas Eve on my dream when we decided to explore the hotel just the both of us. We were walking hand in hand. I opened a big door at the right wing of the hotel and inside was a Christmas mass. The hall was like Harry Potter hall. We didn’t go in as we didn’t want to interrupt the mass.

We then walked to the other wing. It was also a hall which soon would have a Christmas mass. We quickly walked and passed through the hall. We walked through a narrow path to other areas. We explored an indoor zoo look alike. There were many animals being displayed. Some are imaginary one which I had never seen before. 

After the zoo, we were still holding hands walking through a parking lot look alike. It was just us. I suddenly asked the question whether he was Singaporean. He didn’t want to answer and hinted he was from Indonesia. I let go his hands and he was asking why. I said it’s not because of he came from Indonesia, but it reminded me of the leech. Then I asked the ultimate question whether he was known by other name in the past. He said yes, he had other name in the past. That’s the revelation that it was him, the leech. 

I woke up immediately after that with my heart beating fast and felt stressed out. It was a nightmare.

Picking Up Mandarin

I have basic to converse in Mandarin. However I never use. I am afraid to say in Chinese because my tone is not correct. I took Chinese lessons on and off. When I was primary school, my father engaged private tutor for me. Then I continued with Chinese course near my house when I was early twenties. I also took course in Singapore at Ikoma, Orchard. A bit expensive for my earning that time.

I think I have solid rock will to be able to speak Chinese. I signed up again. This time I allocated budget to do so. I also bought local primary school mother tongue book. I also practiced to speak when ordering my lunch any time when I feel confident.

I also asked Marco to help me practice daily. But you know, he is more comfortable to speak English. He said lao shi (referring to himself) took time off when he was lazy to practice with me.

It has been one month plus. We see how it goes. I hope in one year I have significant improvement.

How to Get Over Rejection

Recently I got rejected because of something I can't change. Rejection over something you can change, e.g body size, knowledge, hair style, etc, is still ok because you can do something to change it and make yourself to be a better version of you. However, matters like race, status, caste, gender, etc, we can't do anything about it because it's permanent or we were born with it.

I realised not everything will go according to what I want or plan it to be. Somehow I don't give a fuck what people say about me. But somehow if it matters to me, I will get affected.

I would think just not fated. Life still go on. As a person, I partially feel grateful on what I have in my life. Some people may want to swap place to be in my shoes. Well, I am happy to be me. In my life, the purpose of life is to be happy. I should live a happy life because I only live once.

Every occasion is a learning point. So many things to learn and keep improving ourselves to be a better. If you never take note learning points from every occasion in life, you learn nothing, not improving.

I get affected a while, but I will be ok again after few days.

Jogging Routine 2019

All my jogging sessions will end at the same spot. That junction. I put my camera on the ledge then I do the stretching and cooling down there.

Friday Night Jogging, 10th Aug 2018

Kai Xin, Jolyn and I went jogging at Stadium. We ended up ate the same thing. Jiji don at Ommo ommo.

July Jogging

My performance is better with the blutooth earphone.

Aging Me

I know I am not young anymore. However I will do the best to keep healthy to take care of my son.

To Be Fitter on 2017

I will regularly run and cycle. I bought the bicycle on 5th February 2017. I hope this bike will help me to be more fit.

Semper Amemus

It supposed to be "Love Always". In reality love and hate is just a thin line difference...A very fine line. Sadly...

However my love to my son is forever. I will give my life for his life. He is my flesh and blood. I love him so much and he is the only child of mine. I never loved someone like this before. I began to understand what a mother love is. The bond between a mother and her child is the only real and purest bond in the world, the only true love we can ever find in our lifetime. I know it is a bit late to realize this after almost a year after Marco was born. It is still better than never.



One told me that I take care my son just to pretend to be a hero. I can not imagine how evil one's thought is. I take care my son because I love him so much and I cherish every moment I spend with him as I don't know how many year more we can be together. Life is a mystery... I try to appreciate and be a better mother for my son.

Sunday Mass 28th June 2015

Today mass was about faith. The reading was about a woman who suffered for hemorrhage for 12 years and she touched Jesus robe. She believed by only touching His robe, she will be healed. She was healed after that. What we need is faith in God's power on our lives.

I hope by coming back to church, I will be stronger in life.

Sunday Mass 14th June 2015

Today mass talked about seed. It needs time to let the seeds grow to a tree. The tree will welcome any birds to rest on it. As well as the church also welcome any people from different race and back ground to come and attend the mass.

I was busy taking care of Marco today so that I was a little bit distracted. However I still listened about the catholic church that experiences significant drop in term of adult baptism. So the grow is considered slow. We normally blame catechist. In fact the father said it is our responsibility as a member of the church to reflect evangelism in our life and our responsibility to bring the good news to other people.

During communion, I was nervous as I carried Marco. When the lady said body of Christ, I was stunt. She needs to repeat again 2x till I said Amen. After that we went back to our seats. But still, he was bored already, so he kept making noise. I brought him to the infant room behind.

The first experience going to church with Marco was good. He behaved good. We arrived early and he was not even once crying. He was cheerful. Some grandmas liked him, called him. He looked cute with jacket and he walked here and there within a certain radius from me. During Eucharist, he walked in the middle of the aisle while sucking his water bottle. Luckily he never made any noise. I was so happy he was a good boy in the church today. He is lovely boy.

Sunday Mass 9am, 7th June 2015

I finally decided to make a come back after years away from God. I think this is a good move. The decision was taken last week. I have contacted Landings (a community to formally welcome people who want to make a come back). Before I do a lot of things, I have to take my first step to go to church first.

The mass was about communion with Christ. By receiving Christ's body (communion) we are actually have God in our heart. Communion means to become common union with. So by receiving communion we are expected to act according to God's will and reflecting His love in our daily life.

I really like the idea of communion as common union. I really hope myself can really shift slowly to be a better person.

Emerging Grey Hairs and Other Shift

I am aware that I have this problem since I gave birth. All of sudden, there are so many grey hairs on top of my head. Recently I have been going through a stressful period, it may get worse. Grey hair normally will come out when you are late 30's for Asian. Other than that, it is considered as premature grey hair.

I looked at internet for this remedies. I will try to nourish my body with nutrient and see how it progresses. According to the article I read, the reasons of grey hair are stress and lack of nutrients. There is connection between low bone density and premature grey hair. I also felt that my back was painful. It's like my spine was not strong enough to support my body. I suspect either I sit too long during working hours or I have not enough calcium.

I immediately bought a bottle of calcium at GNC (90 tablets). I think it can last for 3 months. After taking it daily during office hour together with vitamin E, I feel my spine is not as painful as before. I read further yesterday in office while I was not so busy that actually I need to take 3 pills a day in order to cover the body needs. I guess I will take 2 pills a day for calcium and 1 pill for vit E. I actually need to take vitamin C for maintaining immune function in order not to fall sick easily.

Taking a good food with good nutrients is also part of my depression therapy. According to article I read, taking antidepressant medication is proven to create another problem leading to suicide. So I will take step by step to fix my body and mind. It is a process to get my self better.

In order to make people happy, I have to be happy myself. I made a move to try to enjoy every second of my life. I choose a book after
so long I never read one. I choose the one I never finished reading before, I read halfway and lost interest finishing it. The book is "How to win friends & influence people". I really enjoy the book from the first chapter. I really hope I can improve my life after reading this book. I read this book on the MRT during my long journey to office and on the way back home as well. I guess this is a better way to spend my travelling time rather than browsing my phone.

Waste My Time

Some how for some people, my time is worthless. These people keep wasting my time. I am writing this blog in order to use up my wasted time.

My time has been wasted for waiting. Again...waiting....waiting... However, if I do the opposite, these people can talk back to me and tell me off that I am wasting their time. So their time is so precious while mine is worthless.

I am just so tired of waiting. I should just build my own dream and don't have to care what other people think about me. Anyway...doesn't matter. I need to start thinking on my personal stuff rather than thinking about other people's...who ever they are.

At the end of the day...you are alone...born alone...die alone...of course live your life alone even though on the mouth or on paper you have somebody to spend your life with.

The Widow Who Got $1M

Before I begin with my opinion, let us read the story of the window who got 1M.


Two years ago, after her husband was killed in a freak accident while working at Changi Airport's Budget Terminal, she received nearly $1 million in insurance payouts and donations from the public.

Today, that money is all gone.

Madam Pusparani Mohan, 34, is now looking for work in Singapore to support her four young children back in Johor Baru.

"I made a mistake. People knew I had so much money and they all came to me. I am so stupid. I never buy house and finished all the money meant for my children," Madam Pusparani told The Sunday Times from her home in Skudai.

She gave some of it away to relatives when she returned to her hometown in Kedah, then spent a portion of it on a holiday in Genting Highlands with her family. She also lost a chunk of it to a bad business investment - all in the span of a year.

"Now I don't have enough for my children's future."

On March 17, 2012, her husband, Mr Chandra Mogan Panjanathan, 34, was operating a floor-scrubbing machine outside the terminal when he was hit by a taxi hijacked by a Chinese national.

The driver is now serving his jail sentence of two years and one month for voluntarily causing hurt in committing robbery.

Donations poured in after the tragic accident was reported in the media. Many sympathised with Madam Pusparani, who was also working as a cleaning supervisor at the airport, for having to raise four children by herself.

The Malaysian couple's youngest daughter was barely three months old then. Today, their children are aged two, seven, 10 and 11.

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How stupid could it be to loose 1M SGD in 2 years while your children are still very young. The woman is very stupid to give the money to her relatives. The money is for her children. I even suspect that her gambled the money when she had holiday at Genting. Why you chose genting? there are so many holiday destination like cameroon hi-land and end up she chose genting because she tot that she could double up the money there. .

In my opinion, the money should be invested in houses and put in the fix deposit account till the children need it.
She even didn't buy a house. 1M SGD is a lot of money if you bring back to Malaysia. It's still a lot of money if she still stay in Singapore....Now her children can not get proper education, they will still be a poor family. What an idiot.

If you give money to an idiot, no matter how much you give, they will still loose the money because of their idiocy.

Bad Dream

I wrote few weeks back that I had bad dream. I just had last night.

I dreamed that I passed motion. And my feces was like spaghetti form. I pulled the spaghetti out of my asshole. But what makes me scared was the spaghetti pieces were worm. When these worm released their "home", they became very fine, thinner than hair.

The location of my dream was not sure, but I clearly remember there was a room infected by this worm.

I don't know what makes me having these bad dreams since few weeks back.

People Who are Obsessed by Branded Things

I was one of the people belong to this category. But as I grow more mature and wiser, I started to think the essence of my life. Even though I still like to buy branded items but I bought them because I like the design, not be cause they belong to certain brand. If I am not comfortable with the price, I will always delay buying it while I keep thinking whether I really like the design or what occasion would I wear it or how often would it be worn or do I have matching clothes/accessories to be worn with it.

I give example on what kind of transformation I have gone through. Last time I bought a plain white T-shirt because it was labelled by D&G for $80 while Giordano has the same one for $6. Now I bought a Furla bag because I only can find this design at Furla store. I could find similar design in other store but I don't like it 100%, compared to Furla one. So you got the difference?

According to research, people bought branded things is because they lack of confidence. So to boost their confidence, they carry branded bags to be perceived as rich person. They are too concern on what other people think about them. I do still bought branded items not because of the above reason. I am more on my personal satisfaction possessing the items I like.

Let me share the lesson I have learned if you wanna buy branded things.

1. Buy a classic design rather that latest seasonal items
Compare a chanel 2.55 design with a Balenciaga bag ( It's not about the colour. It's about the design )



2. Buy an branded items because of material quality or design rather that LOGO on your face.
Compare these 2 AX T-shirt. One of the T-shirt here reminds me of one ex-colleague from Philipines. He is like walking free ad for AX.



There are some people who don't eat to save some money buying branded bags. If you can not afford then you better don't forced yourself to buy. We should just buy things within our comfortable level. If you already sacrifice basic needs to buy something secondary, there must be something wrong about you.

The branded minded person is just too shallow or childish on selecting their consumption because they just judge the things based on what labelled the things are coming with. They even not considering about the design.

Anyway it depends on people preference and priority. I am just throwing out idea in my head because of today afternoon I meet somebody who is overly branded minded and yesterday we had similar conversation on what reason my colleague bought a watch.

Good Bye, Hendra Tjong!

I was shocked when I heard the news in facebook. Hendra, one of my school mates, has passed away.

He had motorcycle accident and went into comma. He had been hospitalized in ICU RS Husada for a day. Some how I saw his sister posted that the life supporting equipment would be removed from him. Therefor she wrote "Please pray for him".

Not long after those were removed, I suspect he passed away...



It was very surprising to know that he had gone. He was my primary school mate. I saw him everyday on stupid triangle cement field in front of Kemurnian School waiting to be picked up. As I remembered, he also introduced me to his sister, Sumi.

He didn't manage to enter Ricci elementry school. He went to Budi Mulia. But for high school, he was admitted to Ricci. So we become school mate again but we were not close.

I was very surprised when I saw him during the 1st day of high school. He was so slim. I still remember he was chubby little boy.

Good bye my friend...You have finished it...Rest in peace...