Dream about my mother’s relatives

I seldom dream in my sleep. I am not sure whether I am too tired so I seldom dream. This morning I woke up because of a nightmare. 

I cannot remember the dream anymore. When I woke up, I still remembered the dream. But I didn’t pen it down immediately. Now I forget about it. I only remember, my mother’s relatives appeared in the dream. Her nieces who try to take her house, claiming that they have inheritance rights on the house.

I already cut ties with them. I never be their relatives and they also never be my relatives. Full stop. No negotiations. In the past where we stayed together was just a memory, nothing else. It’s not I am being so arrogant as I am in a better place, but I need to protect my interest and my peace.

One of them still try to add me in Facebook. I am amazed of her thick skin and ignorance of what she had done to me. It is not easy to forget the things already said by her and it will stay forever in my mind.

Enemy in The Blanket

I didn't pay attention to how people in my life, especially in a professional environment, treated me. Until recently, I took note of this matter. I think due to my productivity, high expectations, and idealism, people don't like me.

I often said I would retire before 50, I expect my son to be a doctor, and I also want a 'rich' partner, etc., etc. People don't see it positively. Normally, people don't like others to be happy and successful.

I want to retire before 50 because my lifestyle is not fancy. I live my life normally by managing my expectations after retirement. I think hard about how to exit the rat race as soon as possible with a realistic budget and plan to generate resources when I am no longer working. So why are you jealous? Maybe you should start thinking about your exit strategy instead of opposing my plan.

I expect my son to be a doctor. What is wrong with that? Do you expect your kid to be a beggar, a jobless lazy person, or just do a low-paying, unintellectual job in the future? It's normal to wish for our children to perform well and not struggle in life during their adulthood. People just don't like others to be better than themselves. Believe it or not... they are. They may be your friends too.

I also want a 'rich' partner. Someone once challenged me: 'What do you bring to the table?' My definition of rich is having enough for life, a grateful mindset, and about the same financial abundance as me. So, if you have a daughter, would you wish her to have a struggling life with a guy because wanting a better life with a partner sounds wrong to you? If you hear about 'want,' why can't I have the liberty to say what I want? It's not my need. Assuming one person asked you, 'What car do you want?' Would you say that you want an old ugly car or a new comfortable sports car? Regardless of whether my income is sufficient to buy the car, is it wrong to want a cool car? Please reflect on yourself whether you are just jealous of what people want, and you are not even living their lives.

These people who oppose you may be within your close circle. You think they are on your side. But deep down, you never know whether they are genuinely happy for your happiness and success, or if they are just around you and feel unhappy if you are better than them.

Put attention to words, body language, small details they say and do. You will get an answer.

Retirement

I always think about retirement anytime and anywhere. I have been planning since 9 years ago. I think it’s a bit late. I should have been thinking about it since I started working. However, comfort made me forgetting it.

There was a period of uncomfortable moments in my life. I would say “very uncomfortable” moments. These moment made me think even deeper and seriously about retirement. How long more should I get up in the morning and being slave of other’s dream. 

I watched some YouTube video on how much you really need to retire in Singapore. Unfortunately my social circle has no interest in financial planning, sadly. So most of my discussion is with either strangers or the person I just knew. I think it’s a good opportunity in exchanging ideas about money and personal finance. Some friends are very secretive, even I asked how much she rented her room. She felt reluctant to tell me. While I openly told anyone on the rent income. I think this is not personal info, because the rental rate of common room is about the same around one neighbourhood and anyone can check in the platform like Facebook or Carousell.

I developed obsession on investing and money around 8 years ago. I studied and really did a lot of research on this topic. In my head and manifest in my conversation is just investing and how to earn money so we don’t need to work for others. It may be boring and insane for others. I am what I am. 

I recalled when I was just working for a year or two in Jakarta. End of the month or early of the month, I went to Mall Taman Anggrek when most of the banks were there. I brought my cash (around 100 million rupiah) in my bag and walked around the banks, trying to find highest interest rate for my fixed deposit. That time it was quite good. 7-8% a yearly. So at least my petrol for work and lunch were paid by the interest from my fixed deposit. I was so diligent placing my little money to yielding me the most for my living expenses. That time I was not very knowledgeable in different financial instruments.

I feel like becoming myself again. I think this is the best condition for me to be my own self. I naturally crazy about investing. My risk appetite increase significantly recently. I don’t feel any emotion when my portfolio down so much. I just saw the apps and closed it then continued to sleep. Beside the temporary loss, I think I feel so good about being in control and no one messing with my finance. I can walk confidently to the retirement goal.

The instruments varies from low risk like FD, TBills, Bonds and Structure Deposits, to the high risk like options and futures. After knowing these, investment link insurance looks like rubbish of the rubbish. The funds which banks often offer also don’t look interesting anymore. With high risk instruments, I trade using leverage and 10-12% return I think it’s achievable if you are pessimistic. From optimistic perspective, I think 30% is achievable. 

My advice to my younger me that I should have been picking up this investing knowledge since very young and I should have started earlier because of compound interest. However, it’s better late than never. Investing may sound boring and complicated as topic, but everyone will understand when there is a will to learn. Life long learning.

I have a tot of living nomad overseas and the expenses must be covered by my return of investment. Just imagine, January to February I live in Batam. March to April live in Bangkok. May to June live in Hanoi. Then 3 months (July - September) travel around Europe, etc. You got the idea? Life is too short not to see things in the world. 

After thinking about this, I understand myself. I like freedom. I want to do what I like to do. To do so, money is the answer to allow freedom in your live. If you only work and safe, it won’t happen. By the time you retire, it’s too late to pick up on investing. Because investing works on compounding as well. 30ish and 40ish are the important period to roll your money to do its job. 

I am grateful that there was moment in my life woke me up and made me to be me again.

Picking Up Mandarin

I have basic to converse in Mandarin. However I never use. I am afraid to say in Chinese because my tone is not correct. I took Chinese lessons on and off. When I was primary school, my father engaged private tutor for me. Then I continued with Chinese course near my house when I was early twenties. I also took course in Singapore at Ikoma, Orchard. A bit expensive for my earning that time.

I think I have solid rock will to be able to speak Chinese. I signed up again. This time I allocated budget to do so. I also bought local primary school mother tongue book. I also practiced to speak when ordering my lunch any time when I feel confident.

I also asked Marco to help me practice daily. But you know, he is more comfortable to speak English. He said lao shi (referring to himself) took time off when he was lazy to practice with me.

It has been one month plus. We see how it goes. I hope in one year I have significant improvement.

Hypocol for High Cholesterol

 As my age is catching up and I like to eat nice food, I got high cholesterol with no surprise.

One of my friend recommended Hypocol and Lipascor for me. They both are not medicine. They are more like supplement to help the body to reduce and maintain cholesterol.

I bought a 3 pack bundle of Hypocol at Watson for $99. It sounds so expensive at first. However, after counting the amount of capsule I got, I think it's still ok. I got 270 capsules. If a day I take one, This will last for 6 months. Spending for this supplement is around $16.50 per month.

Empty Friendship

I am currently questioning my friendship with some people. I actually have been keeping quiet about nasty things they said to me. When time passed by, we are back to normal again. But somehow it seems like things are keep happening.

It started on 2015 when I was in unfavorable situation. I chose a person to talk to whom I believe he was mature enough to listen and understand. In fact, it was not the case. I suspected him that he told the story to his girlfriend (now wife) and laughed about it. Yes, it was not your problem. you can laugh about it. Who knows it happens to you in future.

On 2016 I met my uni friend who came to Singapore visiting. I brought Marco along. Marco was just 2 years old. He was active and naughty. He played with the plastic cup and ice and made the table messy. He was just 2 year old kid. My friend (who doesn't have kid) said "my dog is better than your kid". I was stunt that time. I went through a lot of though thing to conceive this son and raise him. I just cannot accept that statement. I almost bang table and fuck her off. I didn't. I thought I appreciate the friendship and this statement just slipped from her mouth. 

On 2020 in whatsapp group chat, there are incidents offending me. One (supposedly) friend said I behaved like typical Singaporean. Then the one of then said "I know what you meant". I was not so happy about it.

On 2020 today, a (supposedly) friend has a house which in the high floor and he has not installed window grills. We told him to install one because it's dangerous. Now his daughter just turn one. Then he installed grill and saying it will be just few years. I said it's better to install forever because there are suicide case and you will never know. He said if want to suicide, can be anywhere, not necessary to be at home. But I said at home normally more depressing so most suicide cases happened at home. This is out of my goodwill suggestion. He replied my statement about at home usually is more depressing by "your home may be".  I think I should draw the line this time. Your house, not mine. your kid's life, not mine. But don't insult my imperfect life just because your life seems better than mine.

Based on these series of experiences, I must review my friendship. I cannot keep giving in because of past memory. If a person appreciates the relationship, I don't think will say or act carelessly. I do learn overtime. Regardless how close the relationship is with the person, you cannot say anything without thinking how the other person would feel after hearing you.

Out of my good will telling (supposedly) friends about preventing unfortunate things from happening, they attack me instead. Suicide can be caused not only because parent's pressure on academic result. It can be caused by bad relationship with friends, hormones and kid's ownself expectation on achieveing something in life. 

Another argument on not giving so much pressure to kid on academic result is Singapore educational system. Their aggregate will form their future path. Despite chemistry, biology and other subjects are not really relevant to our daily work life, they contribute to your academic aggregate which eventually determine which education institution your kid will attend.

Eventually the older we are, the lesser time we have for other people. Everyone's time is limited to 24 hours a day. So we must be very wise in utilising our time. If our experience with certain people is not very pleasant, then we must dare to bet good bye and welcome new people. Life is short, don't waste time for people who make your life even more difficult and unhappy. So I bet goodbye.

Evening Jog

 Recently I started to jog again as I am overweight. My running distance is always plus minus 4km. Running is also one of the reason to go out without mask. Look at my photos. I have big pimple on my chin. It has been there since a month ago. I won't go away soon. 

My Fragile Heart

Those people who know me, they normally say I am strong and hard person. From the way I phrase things and act in situation, yes...I am a strong character. I will not die and give up when you give me problems. I may be down for a while and eventually stand up back on my feet. I love myself to be seen like this.

I don't know why I have such character. People normally appear differently from what they really are....

I guess to be selective on who you allow to enter when you know you have fragile heart is utmost important. Stop blaming other people, take control of your life.

Emotional Attachment

Emotional attachment is a bond of feelings created when you are very close to someone. When you feel compatible when you talk to someone and the intense frequency of conversation, it will eventually build emotional attachment. Unfortunately some attachments are meant to be temporary because of whatever reasons.

I was thinking I had been successfully suppressing my emotion as I normally feel nothing. Today I feel emotionally unwell. Knowing this, I am also glad to know I still have emotion. That's the positive side looking at this occasion. People come and go with different agenda. Some have negative agenda, some have positive agenda. But in certain scenarios, there is definitely one losing party. People are so selfish by ignoring the damage created to the other losing party.

Magically, this emotional attachment can happen without face to face encounter. I just discovered and I am amazed of how it was built in a short period of time. I learned something new at least.

I actually foresee consequences come because of my action. Therefore, I don't blame people because of my action that put me in undesirable situation. I believe I am a strong person and I will overcome the obstacles in my live journey.



Still related to emotional attachment issue, I read statement somewhere...

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.
– Kahlil Gibran”

I found this is a bit funny to be said by a guy. This is more suitable to be said by a girl. The first few second impression, the speaker positions himself as a passive person because he doesn't do anything, he just waits and sees what the other will do. Then the "somebody" is the active person. In contrary to the statement, I am believer of men to be the active aggressive party and women to be the passive party. Further, I believe when you want something or someone, you can't just sit down, watch and never show interest to achieve. Because if you do, it forever won't be yours,imo.

New Red Onitsuka Tiger and CNY 2018 day 2

I went to Suntec City on CNY day 2. I found this pair. When I knew they are like $99 only. I grabbed them.


Since I got the red varina, I began to like red. I used to hate red. May be now I found out red shoes, red bag and other red accessories are sexy.

Photo Jadul from Maya

I suspect this photo was taken during my primary 6 year, 1994. I was just 12 years old.
Then the memory book was written on 1991. I was just 9 years old.

Escalator Idiots

I found people nowadays are always attached with their mobile phones or tablets. It's fine when you are stationary or your activity doesn't disturb other people.

Some people keep looking at their screen when riding escalator. It is fine while you already on the escalator and you need to keep watching whether you are already near the end of the escalator. But some are just keep looking at their screen while stepping on to escalator which I think it's hogging the human traffic during peak hour. They also don't realize that they reach the end of escalator, which can be dangerous as people behind them have no place to step as the escalator is keep going. If these people are intelligent enough to not put other people and themselves in danger, they should not keep looking at their screen at certain points.

I almost tripped and fell down because of these people in front of me keep looking to their phone when they already reached the end of escalator. They just stopped and the escalator was pushing me forward. I got no place to stand as they didn't move.

Next time I should just push them. They put me in danger. What happens if I fall down behind and hit other people behind me?

Sunday Mass 21st June 2015

I went alone this morning as Marco was not allowed to go.

The mass this morning is about Jesus who calm storm and wind. Jesus also will calm the storm in our life, it is just not instant. It needs time for Him to work it out. He will do it at the right time, on time. We just need to be patient.

We need to have faith that He will guide us in difficult time of our life.

Cutting Hair

After so many days of headache, I decided to cut my hair short. I suspect, I didn't dry my hair long enough. So when I slept my head was still cold and damp.

As usual, I went to supercut at Compasspoint to cut. The one attended me was Adeline. I purposely not asking for Yvonne as I need to pay additional charge for this request and I also thinking to try other hairdresser and see their skill whether is comparable to Yvonne.

I like my short hair style. Some colleagues said I look younger in short hair.



After cutting it short, I need shorter time to dry my hair and lighten the burden of my hair which is currently falling due to post partum.

Dog Tick

I remember as a young girl staying in a house with 4 to 5 dogs, I liked to spend my time with my dogs. I used to drag them near me and started to find tick in between their furs. Before I started with finding the tick, there was a bowl of kerosene (minyak tanah) beside me to dump the tick in it. Another way doing it was to prepare tissue to pop the tick to dead.

The ticks could be small, medium, and engorged one. The engorged ones were easy to find because they were seen in between furs. The small ones (babies) normally were found in one area form a group with the mother. The babies were difficult to remove as they were just a small dot size. The common locations for the tick are dog's armpit, space in between toes, below tail (near anus), and ears.



My dogs when I was primary school were the lazy type. They didn't like to go out from the house to sunbath. That's why they had so many tick. But since I had my dog Pinkan (the half chow chow breed), she liked to sunbath outside on 12pm to 1pm when the sun was super hot and bright. That's why she had lesser smell because the sun washed the stinky smell away even though her fur was thick. She was very smart, she knew how to take care her self. She has lesser tick than my previous dogs. And at the end of her life, I guesses she had no tick at all.

The dog after her, Carrie, was also smart. She was caring and friendly. As a young dog, she saw Pinkan always went out to sunbath in the afternoon. She also did the same. She sunbath almost everyday. She didn't like to bath and she knew when I prepared the shower gel and her towel. She quickly ran and hide below the table. She also didn't have tick.

I really miss my dogs... :(

Visceral Fats

Initially I didn't know what visceral fats means and it just began when Niko bought a body scale from Japan that can measure your visceral fats. After that I tried to find out what visceral fats means.

But recently somebody share in facebook post about visceral fats. I was surprise because it then can effect not only the blood vessel but also the organ inside your body.

There's a video of a doctor cut a fat corpse open. We obviously can see that the doctor couldn't find the heart and other organs because they were covered by yellow fats. Imagine you need an operation and I think the operation is going to be much more difficult for the surgeon and then it will cause higher risk for the operation.

After that, they brought out the organs and put them on the tray. There was another tray of normal weight human organ. He started comparing each organ between the normal weight human and overweight human. We can obviously see that the lungs were very small and the heart was double the size of normal human heart. I have not research further on why the size of the heart is bigger than the normal one.

The visceral fat is also known as fatty toxic. The good news is, since visceral fat is metabolically active, it is very easy to burn. Sometimes just small changes in diet and exercise can reduce visceral fat levels significantly.

Cabby who returned $1.1m

I think this case is extraordinary and has to be appreciated more than it should be. Also, it should be blown up more as this is really the opposite of human nature which is normally greedy. If his parents would be very proud of him if they were still alive and his current family of course is proud of him. He can teach other people by giving an example of returning the amount of money in significant amount to where it's belong. This is a one in the zillion example of honesty.

He made a right decision in returning the money as you won't live peacefully with some one else's money that doesn't belong to you. You will live your life rich but you probably can not sleep well in the night. In this world, eventually there is a honest human being. Singapore as a nation should be proud to have him as one of the citizen. :D

Rhoma Irama Indonesian President Candidate for 2014

I was surprised when I heard the news. Is he trying to be funny?

Not so long ago he made a mistake by offending vice governor of DKI Jakarta who has chinese race. He provoked when he gave talk in mosque that in muslim they are commanded to choose muslim leader not a leader from other religion. In such a big country he provoke separation not union. He was charged for insulting other race based on law. After that he made public statement and cried to gain sympathy. My comments regarding this matter : - He keep talking about Pancasila, which actually never says that Indonesia is a muslim country. This is a politic world, better don't involve religious. We are not a muslim country even majority is muslim. - For a future leader, realizing Indonesia has 5 big religions and different races, you should not emphasize on the differences. You should make the big country as a whole. There's a day when he was interviewed by one of the local TV station. He said that he never had obsession to be president. It is the community that forces him to step up and he can not reject it because thinking it as a "call" from God. My comments regarding this matter : - I think we seriously don't want reluctant leader. We want ambitious leader that has passion in ruling and giving the best for the country. - The community is minor among the whole population of Indonesia. Can he enlarge his social circle? He has been doing polygamy and he didn't want to answer the interviewer. He even made himself right by saying the chinese emperor, Bung Karno, Abraham, other leaders had been doing it and they were ruling the country well. He mentioned also that he has not done wrong by polygamy because it's allowed in muslim. My comments regarding this matter : - The emperors and Abraham cases were long time ago, when people is not highly civilized yet. Aren't we civilized? - A president for Indonesia represents the 5 religions and all the people in country. We definitely need a monogamy leader who can be acceptable for other religions apart only from muslim. He feels that he has popularity and then he connects it with electability. He feels enough to be president. Popular doesn't meet you are a suitable candidate. How can you judge an electability from people shouting as a reflection they will vote for you? From educational background he was a drop out. It's fine if he has been doing something that support him to catch up with the knowledge. Do we want an uneducated leader? One reporter asked him whether he followed the news about Indonesia, he said he did. Then the reporter asked his opinion on the raise of oil price recently. He couldn't answer. He maneuvered by saying he was not an oil specialist that can answer this kind of specific question. WTF!!! The reporter asking a general question and this is to know his stand regarding the economic decision. He doesn't know anything about economy. How will you manage to give opinion on country budget if you don't know? Then the questions continued...The reporter asked about his plan as a president. He has no specific plan, he just blabbering about general things which are common sense for even a layman. I am sorry for him to embarrass himself in front of millions people. I think Ruhut Sitompul's suggestion for him to just be a supporter for political party is the best and the most right thing to do. Rhoma is King of Dangdut. He is damn good at it. Please don't make your self miserable by putting your self as an idiot for this candidacy. The more he goes far, the more he reveals he has nothing to offer to the people. I worry if the general election is based on how much money you have to bribe people voting you, the leader we will get is not the right man. Wining election by buying votes is not a respectable win. Seeing the US campaign last month back, the president who has better economic plan for the country which the plan reflects where the country will be going to, will get the vote. In contradiction with this case, the candidate (Hj Rhoma Irama) doesn't have knowledge in economy and too much talking about religious things. The religious talk will not lead the country to anywhere. You need so called "BRAIN" to drive the country. As a citizen, we better think before we vote...how intelligent is the candidate to lead a country...is popular enough to be a president (this is not a movie casting)...is religion based leader represented the country well (as we are not muslim country)...what is the educational, career, and personal life background of the candidate which will support him in ruling. Just a thought, I think compare to Ahok (Basuki T. Purnama - vice governor of Jakarta), Rhoma is not even stand in the same level of knowledge and intelligence. So in conclusion, Rhoma is not even good as a vice governor of Jakarta. Then how do you even think you want to be RI-1???

Blogger-droid V2.0.6

I have been blogging with my android phone using Blogger-droid application. Unfortunately I found some limitation on the software. For example, once you have published and suddenly you want to add photos, it doesn't support. This issue is ridiculous for me because blogging is not only writting but also show pictures. Another thing is labelling is hard. You can not see your label list. So computer is still the best tool to blog. :)

Perfect Bday Party

It was just coincident to see these photos while I was doing my research on my exhibition job. I think these photo is a great ambiance to have bday party there, on the yatch.

Other than bday party, I think it is a great place to throw new year party, as long as you don't drink till drunk and throw your self in the water. If you need to vomit, just throw in the sea. Rental cost for the yatch is 100-150K euro/week. Sounds good if you are rich enough to enjoy 5 days trip and have party every night on the sea. However, the people you are spending time celebrating your bday party is more important than the kind of place and kind of party you have for your bday. :)