Sunday, 1st November 2015

I woke up early on 6.30am. First thing was to find Marco. My maid also went out early today. I saw Marco's bed was empty. Maid said he slept with one out site. I went out and saw him outside.

I went back to my room but I didn't sleep. I waited until Marco woke up. I heard noise from outside, sounded like Marco's voice. Then I went out, it was Marco playing alone, he was standing in front of the TV and pressing the TV screen. No one woke up to take care him. What was the difference from yesterday. It was dangerous also to let Marco alone without anyone looking at him. So one was trying to be a hero but didn't see one's limitation. We are just human, anyone can make the same mistake.

I took Marco to my room to play and read book with him. He drank milk already I assumed as I saw an empty bottle near the TV cabinet. I did some turn over banana cheese pie for him. He likes banana. Then after baking for 20 minutes, the pies are ready. I did an egg with mustard and banana slices in the metal bowl for Marco also. I did 3 pies. I gave 1 for Marco, I ate one, and I gave sister in law 1. Then I knew it's not enough, so I did another 2 for her.

After breakfast, Marco pooped and I showered him on 9+am. After he smelled nice, we sat on the sofa to watch his nursery rhymes. I almost fallen as sleep while watching nursery rhymes. Then I went to my room, sat on the bed doing nothing. Marco played piggy back with my a while.

Lunch time, I fed him what one prepared for him. Marco finished his food. I only ate the fried rice from morning my maid fried for us. I think I didn't care as long as I filled my stomach with something.

After lunch, I really felt tired and my body was aching since yesterday. I let Marco played in the living room where one was there and I went inside to my room. In fact one was really angry that I left Marco and didn't want to make him sleep. I then sleep. on 3.30pm I heard Marco cried. I didn't go out for a while, but the crying was never stop. I decided to go out as it was not good to let him crying. I carried him and the crying stopped immediately. He was still sleepy. I brought him to my room and slept with him. He slept really fast. One went in and disturbed Marco's sleep by saying Marco to sleep. He was sleeping now he woke up again because one went in and said something not important. Marco fell as sleep again. One went in for the 2nd time to say that Marco needed to sleep outside as I didn't want to make him sleep and now one didn't want Marco to sleep with me. Marco started crying again and he became so sad from the face. I asked what the problem was. One answered the problem was me. I really don't understand. I just felt sleepy, so I went to sleep while letting Marco played outside with one. I moved Marco in my arm and made him sleep in my arm at his room.

What one did was just like what I did few weeks back. That time I remembered one said that I was "bajingan" because Marco slept peacefully and I came and woke him up. I realized that mistake and I won't do it again to my Marco. One wanted Marco to move to his room just because of selfishness. What is the difference between what I did to what one did just now? We are just human, you and I can make the same mistakes. Please look at the mirror, reflect your self (which I did in these few months), don't be so arrogant thinking that you are the best and most right. It's only God who is the most right. We are just human, who always make mistakes and imperfect.

God, please give me big heart and courage to always forgive people who treat me badly and those who hate me. I forgive them to for myself. I let go myself from hate feeling and ill thoughts. By forgiveness I hope I can reach my happiness with Marco and teach my son to be a person, not an evil.