The stress is added by stupid breast feeding. I am unhappy expressing breast milk which then this week brought me a nightmare. I dreamt of having my nipple 2 meters long with torn skin and I could see the milk duct appeared like cables.I guess that came because I am experiencing pain in my breasts. They are like painful pulses in both side.
This evening I took a nap because I had nothing to do after lunch. I fell asleep when I was watching Games of Throne season 4 episode 3. Then I had a dream about Marco. In my dream, he could turn himself to tummy but that is not one single flip. He flipped himself several times until I could not find him. He disappeared. Another scene in my dream is when I managed to catch him to change his diaper or wash his back after pooped. I somehow took out his left booty too harsh then his toes were torn and I could see the flesh and some tiny bones. I was crying and try to put back the toes. Some how I managed to "glue" back his toes by only putting them back properly. Overall in my dream, he was very active. every time I wanted to change his diaper, he suddenly disappeared and make me worried.
The situation now is worsen as Niko went to Beijing this morning. I sent him to airport this morning that's why I need my nap. In the normal days, I always wait him to come home and have dinner with him. Today till Friday I have no one to wait for. I feel very lonely as Marco has not talked yet. He sleeps most of the time.
Thinking to go out tomorrow and Friday. But it's troublesome to have full breast after 4 hours when I am outside. I am also sick to eat at home. The food is nice, I just want to eat something different, something I used to eat few months back. I like routines. I feel my life is more scheduled. I have been so messy as I have no schedule to shower, I have no activity that makes me happy. All I do everyday is waiting Niko to go home.
